I got on
facebook for a bit today and the status line made me think. What's on my mind? Everything. There is so much that I want to discuss and hash out but not necessarily verbally. I know that doesn't really make sense. I guess that's one way that my
relationship with Christ is growing deeper. I long to talk to Him as an ongoing dialog. The only downside to being a Christian for me is that the one person that I want most to have a "tangible"
conversation with is intangible. And there is
soooo much I want to talk about. My job, my kids, my parents, my friends, where life is going, my finances, what's coming up next, which way I should go, where my heart is, the list goes on and on. I have a large weight on my shoulders right now and I know that I have probably talked it to death for those that I can talk to about it (cryptic I know) and the ones that I want to discuss it with I can't. Not yet. I find myself second guessing my every move and action, but still knowing that the only way I can be truly committed to anything is throw myself in fully, aware that it will either blossom or die. Yet I still find my heart hesitant. Partly due to timing, and partly due to my own fear. If I fully commit, I could get hurt. But the pull is still there, knowing the potential for pain. I didn't look for this
circumstance and yet here it is. I guess that's the hard thing. Keeping my head level and steady in a sea that is anything but. My emotions are pitching all over and I want to find that even keel again. Makes me think of when Jesus walked on water. If you haven't read that lately go back and read it. He almost passed them by. But Peter called out to Him. In the 4
th watch of the night, after a long day and longer night He waited for them to be nearly broken and exhausted. They had strained all night against a storm that threatened to take
their lives. I have a friend who is in the midst of a storm like I have never seen or even been able to comprehend. Literally hit from every direction-financial, personal, spiritual, physical, you name it. And all I want to do is help, but I can't do much other than listen. It's incredibly humbling when you realize that there is absolutely nothing that you can do. I pray and continue to lay it before God and try to keep my focus on Him and let Him deal with the issues that I can't and probably shouldn't. I tend to muck things up when I stick my fingers in the pot. I know to place all these struggles on His altar is the only good and secure option. He is faithful and is big enough to take care of
their struggles as well as mine. Question is-will I trust Him? It's so hard. He doesn't move at the pace that I want, but then my pace would probably leave most of the world in the dust. Well, Lord, I turn it over to you. Again. Do as You will. In Your time. And don't let me drown. The storm is bigger than me, but You are walking through it like a summer evening stroll. Gonna take it one thing at a time.