Breathing easier

I can breathe easier these days. I have been given a grace, if you will, that after being beat up and knocked down so many times in the past few years, I get the chance to stand and not be pummeled. I have to say that I am so impressed with myself. And if you know me, you know that I don't usually toot my own horn. But this time, just this once, I will! I came through! I am a single mom of two, a homeowner, a crucial part of a fantastic church, and have family and friends that care deeply about me. I was carried through the worst parts by my God, my family, and my friends. It's not always easy now. In fact, what's funny is that this time of my life is just as hard as some of the other things that I faced. I'm tired. Bone weary most of the time. And I have stressors on my life that want to make me scream some days. But it is sweet. I am blessed enough to hear my kids laugh together in the other room. And fight with each other. My friends call to check on me, not because they are worried, but because they care. They know I'm ok. My mom and dad don't have that look of concern anymore when I'm around. I'm ok. Life is good. I've been out on multiple dates with a guy that I really like, and we really enjoy each other's company. People say that I have a smile on my face every time I mention him. That's good. I understand just how much grace I have been given. I came through something horrible and it's been turned into something beautiful. I don't deserve this. But I will throw my arms wide open and accept it. He is gracious, folks. More than any of us can imagine.

Take it all in. It's good.

Back to Things Left Behind

I found myself listening to country again. Before you gasp in shock, take this in. Yes I used to be a country music fan. I, probably like most people, go through phases of music. For a while it was 80's, then current pop, then christian, then bang your head stuff, then that all-out-angry-fight-anything phase. Country was something I got started on when I was dating Rick years ago. It was ok then. But as time changed, I found myself not being able to listen. Even when we were married-too much pain to hear those songs that I knew so well and new things that were so similar to when times were good. Before things went south. Before the money and status and position took hold. A beat up truck and a tiny apartment. Things were not good for a long time in my marriage. I can accept that. And hold myself accountable for my part. It certainly wasn't one sided damage that occurred. Both of us created a monster.

But now, for the first time in years, I can listen and enjoy it. Relax and not cringe at that twang of a steel guitar. Makes me smile for the first time in years. New things have a significant factor in that. Not just the house, but new people. I'm in that terrible pendulum of being ecstatic about going out and the swing of the other side of not hearing from him for days. An old friend once said never let your highs get too high and your lows too low. Good advice. Hard to do, but best for everyone involved.

It's getting there. Think it's time to go honky tonk'n again. Can't dance well but that doesn't matter. It's all good.

New things

Lots has gone on lately. So much so that I haven't had time and energy at the same time to post. Sounds crazy but true. Changed job positions, bought a house, gone on a real life date (TWICE with the same guy!!). I just understand how incredibly blessed I am. The kids are doing really well, I am adjusting to life truly on my own, and loving that life is somewhat normal. I know that it may not always be so, but for the moment, just for now I am happy. Not that I'm not usually, but there is no pain right now. No fight for a breath of peace if that makes sense.

I LOVE my job. It's crazy, hectic at times, and things don't always go the way I think they should, but I love it. Never have I been in this type of position. I work with the BEST people. It's not always easy, but it's good. And hey, being the "church secretary" has its' benefits. I know everyone around. Or am getting to know them. It's great.

The house is going well. I am down to 2 boxes in the living room. We won't discuss how many are in the garage. But it feels like home now. And it's mine. Again not perfect, but perfect for me and the kids. There are the standard snags that frustrate me but there is a certain amount of pride that goes with my own space. I'm more tired than I ever thought I could be, but that's ok.

And of course for THE date. :) He is a wonderful guy. A gentleman in the truest sense of the word. And we have plans for another date. I am all smiles and as goofy as a 16 year old. We shall see how this goes. I'm sure I will have more to say on that soon.

God has really used all this right now in an interesting way. The things that I have passed over for ridiculous amounts of time are the very things that make me smile now. This house and the guy that I am seeing are top of that list. They were on my radar for a looong time and I just never looked twice. But that's ok. Learning new things again. And it's good. Very good.

Doctor's Offices and other fun things

Well, let's see. The next exciting chapter of the trip to Mexico. So on the first full day we were there my sinus infection was in full swing. Some gracious soul (and you know who you are) told the director of the orphanage I was in bad shape. This was completely unbeknownst to me. So just as I was laying down for something that resembled a nap, I hear someone come barreling in the women's cabin hollering "Kendra get your shoes on you're going to the dr." So all foggy I manage to get myself quasi together and out the door. I load up in the orphanage's van with one of the staff who speaks no English, one of my friends who speaks no Spanish and one of the residents who has been there since age 3 (he is now 38 and has had cerebral palsy since birth). Just for fyi - he does speak some english. It's sort of broken but you can have a conversation. We go down into town and to the local doc. Now mind you this is in Reynosa. Seeing this environment in comparison with where we live is odd at best. Again there is the whole gritty nature to anything in public.

The doctor's office is right next to the pharmacy. The pharmacy which kind of resembles a back closet filled with boxes of meds. You go to the pharmacy to get a number to get in line to see the doc. The doc's waiting room is a small room with say 10 chairs. 7 are filled by people. 1 has a mysterious liquid in the seat that one seems to want to touch. I take one of the remaining and my semi-English speaking friend takes the other. (My friend and the other member to our crew are outside, waiting for me to see the doc.) Mind you, at this point I feel like poo and don't really care what happens to me unless I feel better. I also stand out like a snowflake on a blackboard. The blond hair & blue eyes aren't really helping me here.

So we sit and wait. The other people in the room obviously notice me and comment. One sweet lady tried to talk to me but the language barrier was a little bit too vast. (Oh why didn't I try harder in the 4 semesters of Spanish I took in college) Anyway, after approximately 45 minutes of me watching the other folks trickle out of the waiting room and in the office, my number is up. This is after listening to all sorts of moans and groans from other said patients that have been in. At this point, I am alarmed to say the least. But no one else seems to be worried so I of course will not show any concern. Crazy white girl. But like I said my number is up and in I go. Fortunately, at this point my only spanish speaking friend is there and she goes in with me.

We go into the office and I realize we aren't in Kansas anymore. (not as if we were before) There is no nurse, there is an ancient exam table and a desk. That's it. Oh and the doc. He looks like he is 12. I'm not kidding. I don't know if he is even shaving yet. But he seems to understand some english and we can have a conversation about how I feel like my head is going to explode with yellow snot at any given moment. (sorry for the graphic nature, I'm on a roll now) He looks at me very knowingly and says "Sinus infection" I say "Yup". He says "Reynosa no good for you. Dust bad. Rain bad. You go back to Texas" - Okie doke smarty pants. Just make me feel better. So he asks if I want pills or shot. I don't care I say - thinking he will give me the shot in my butt and off we will go. Not so fast. He gives me 3 different prescriptions and sends me on my way. I'm not quite following here, but thinking that the infection has now made its way to my brain, I'm guessing I'm just out of it. My spanish speaking friend pays him in pesos (50 believe it or not-really cheap!!) and we return to the closet of a pharmacy. The pharmacist (who also looks quite young) gives me a small package of pills, 3 different vials of stuff and 4 syringes. Excuse me?!?! Yup folks you got it. I get to find someone to turn me into a pin cushion. And we aren't talking little dinky shots. McDonalds straws.

Thankfully, I deduce from the discussion that my two spanish speaking friends are having that Blanca (our driver and assistant director for the orphanage) used to work in a doctors office and has done shots before. Yay. So at least someone who has done this before will do the honors.

So we get back to the compound and troop off to Blanca's home there on property. She expertly mixes the meds as directed and says the words that every nurse in the world apparently knows. "Leetle pinch". HA. They only say that because it's not their butt that they are happily putting holes in. Anyway, she gives me the injection, which does feel like it's going in like molasses, and I am back up and headed for the dorm again. I did feel better after an hour's nap so the meds must have been good. I mended enough to get me through that day or at least until the next shot was due, but was graciously given to me by one of our team members who I didn't find out til later does this periodically.

The sinus infection did seem to abate while we were there which allowed me to deal with other things like my son upchucking a couple of times. Not from the water-but some other unknown source that I still haven't figured out yet.

I will post again about the wonders of our trip and the other things we did, but I have to go for now. Keep reading.....

A few pics to see.

One of the boys from the orphanage & I. This was the night of the quincenera.

They love having photos taken.

Josh, one of the girls & I during lunch one day.

Mexico and other things

Let's see. I should tell a little about my "adventures" (I use that term loosely) in Mexico. We will start with the drive in. It's about 10 hours there from Burleson. That includes stopping for gas and lunch. It was pretty uneventful til we hit the border. Even that wasn't really crazy. Mildly stressful as I have never driven across the border, but other than seeing the soldiers with BIG guns, nothing really happened. And then we were in Mexico......

It's really different driving in. The concept of clean is VERY different. The neighborhood we drove through is rough. The houses are tiny and made of concrete. There is stuff everywhere. Old tires, trash, you name it, it's there. We were caravanning in and I was second to last. The road was interesting. 12 inch deep potholes are a new experience to drive over, as are 2 foot piles of gravel in the middle of the road. (I drove around those) The speed bumps are serious out there too. Why they need them in random places I don't understand but apparently someone thought it was important. It's not like anyone does anything in a hurry there. Time moves at it's own pace. Speed isn't really one of the words that you think of much there.

Anyway, about halfway through the neighborhood, we encounter a flooded road that we had to drive through. Flooded with sewage. Fun. I was told to make sure that I gave the car in front of me plenty of space when we hit it, just to make sure I didn't end up having to stop and sit in the middle of that. At this point, one of the biggest blessings was that the sinus infection I was developing had already taken effect to some degree and I couldn't smell the lovely aroma. But the kids could. And they made sure I knew about it. You know that look of flames that people put on the outside of their cars? My pretty little red car had that look but it certainly wasn't flames. Neat-o.

We got through that just fine, and headed on to the orphanage. Down a dirt/gravel road that looks like someone's driveway. Encountered a semi broken down on it at one point. These roads are narrow, so watching a full size suburban with a trailer scooch around the semi and not fall in the irrigation ditch on the other side was eye opening. I had probably the least problem there of all our cars. We did make it to the compound fine. Never in my life have 10 foot cinderblock walls with ornamental spikes on top looked so comforting. We made it, left no hub caps behind, and to the best of my knowledge, the underside of my car is intact.

That wraps that story and as I have laundry still staring at me from the trip (almost a week later) I had better tackle that. More adventures tomorrow kids.

What I did over Christmas vacation

Sounds like the classic freshman paper right? I actually did something significant this year. Significant enough to write about anyway. The kids and I went to Mexico for a mission trip. Our church has supported an orphanage in Reynosa for at least 3 years that I know of. It's a place that mothers who can't take care of their kids can drop them off and know that they will be fed, clothed, educated and given a clean safe place to sleep. The only thing that the mothers are supposed to do is agree to come visit on Sundays and go to church with the kids. Some follow through and eventually get back on thier feet and the kids go back to mom. Others disappear into the night never to return. Tough situation. So our church among others goes down and helps out by helping with funding, rebuilding, new construction, loving on the kids etc. Kind of you name it we do it.

It was kind of a spur of the moment decision to go, and I decided to take the kids. Everyone has heard about the danger of border towns right now, but I have to say that we saw no violence, no danger, no issues at all-unless you count the open sewer line I had to drive through. That was nasty. But no danger to any of us. We had 27 people in our group and took 5 vehicles. Amazing place to be. God's hand is definitely on that compound and the safety experienced there is unsettling in a good way. I never worried about the kids during the 4 days we spent there. I didn't know exactly where they were at least 80% of the time. Just knew they were somewhere on the property.

The thing that impacted me the most kind of cropped up before we even left. I knew about this trip months back and knew that it would be good for the kids, but when I heard that out of the 30 churches that usually send groups down, only 2 came including us (and we had already gone down at least 3 times earlier in the year) I knew it was important to go. These people are running a ministry that is in real need of support. Not just financial, or even prayer, but visible shoulder to shoulder support. They stand in the gap in a very dark place. How can I talk about my struggles and faith if I don't come alongside those who face things much worse than I do? Anyway, I knew this was important to do and show my kids. If I am not willing to show my faith how I can I live it?

I'm still digesting the week. There was so much that happened. Went to a Mexican doctor, went to my first quincenera (I know that's spelled wrong, but you get the idea) learned how to caulk windows and eaves on the second story of a building while standing on scaffolding held together with baling wire. Each of those events could do their own post. Oh and Josh barfed at least twice. Never dull.

Like I said, still digesting and processing. I will definitely go back. Just have to plan a little more.

***See, I can do a post that isn't all woe is me!!***

Thanks Jenny-I can see you waving out there!